I am sitting in the quiet of the house after everyone has gone to sleep. I just can't sleep. I want to. I would love to go and crawl into bed and snuggle up to my warm and toasty husband and drift off to dreamland, but my brain won't quit running. It has been quite a week, and unfortunately not in a good way. My family has suffered a loss. My Gramma Gaggini passed away on Friday morning. It's kind of weird because it has been coming for a while but it still seemed to come out of nowhere. It is a very sad thing to watch people that you love slowly slip away. For the longest time Gram was in pretty good shape physically, but she started to slip back in time mentally. I would love to talk to her about what happened back when my dad and his brothers and sisters were little. I loved to hear her talk about what a beautiful baby my dad was when he was born, about how all of the nurses said that he was the most beautiful baby in the nursery because he was chubby and sweet and beautiful. I loved to hear her tell the story about how one day when she was doing laundry, she had finished up the ironing and was so tired that she and the kids all laid down in the living room to take a nap and the someone came to the door and thought that they had all died of carbon monoxide poison because they were all laying on the floor sleeping. She would just laugh and laugh when she told that story. She could tell you these stories in such detail that you could just picture it in your mind, but then she couldn't remember what she had eaten for breakfast. It started slowly, but after my Pappy died she started to slip more and more physically. Her heart had started to weaken and there wasn't anything that anyone could do to help. I think that it was as much from a broken heart from missing Pap, as it was anything physical. They had lived a simple life full of sacrifices, faith and love. It was the kind of life that people should try to live. It was the kind of love and marriage that leaves you broken after it's over, after one of you is gone. While her heart has been broken for a while her body started to catch up. She fell last week and hurt her shoulder. Once again there wasn't anything that anyone could besides try to relieve the pain and help her to feel comfortable. But it didn't seem like it was that bad until the next day. Her kidneys started to shut down and we all knew that it was only a matter of time. Our time with our sweet Gram was coming to an end. I am so thankful that I had a chance to go and see her one last time. I like to think that even though she was out of it, that she knew that we were there. She was back at home and surrounded by many of her family. As we were sitting there everyone started to talk and catch up and laugh together. For a minute I thought that it was wrong that we were laughing and enjoying each other's company while Gram lay there, unconscious. At least I did until I thought back to all of the family holidays and dinners that we had shared in that same house, in that same room. I decided that if Gram could hear us, she would be happy to hear us all talking and laughing. She would feel the love that her and Pappy had created when they started there own little family. It wasn't wrong at all, it was just as it should have been. When I got the call the next morning that she had passed away, it was bittersweet. I was very sad to hear that she was gone. I was sad because I would miss her. I was sad because I knew that my Dad would be sad and I hate that. But I was also relieved. I knew that she wouldn't be in pain any more and that she would be able to spend Christmas where she most wanted to be, with Pappy. That is a blessing to us all. We love you Gram! Give Pappy a hug from me!
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